Alina Sewing and Design
Only occasionally do I share my heart here at MYU (like I did on New Year’s Day), but the crazy hours and constant activity and never-ending to-do lists have handed me one sickness after another.  I just recently got over several months of mono and now I’m home from work today with what I think is a sinus infection. But before I keep going and you think I’m complaining, let me preface this by saying I’m grateful. I’ve been up to my ears in stress lately, but that’s my own fault. It’s my own plans (or at least how I’ve chosen to take “control” of God’s plans) that have landed me here. Hard-headed as I am, sometimes it takes being knocked out on the couch for Him to get my attention. Laying here in the silence of my half-empty living room today, I’ve been able to reflect over where I am in this life transition.

I’ve been blessed with a better-than-I-could’ve-asked-for small group of girls that come over to my apartment every other Tuesday night. We’ve been doing life together for the last two years. We’ve gone through bible study after bible study together, encouraging each other, crying over each other’s pains, lifting up one another’s burdens in prayer. We call each other sister-friends…and that’s exactly what we are. But more than that, they’re my warrior-friend-sisters. Tonight is our last meeting before I move (they will continue on, of course, but unless they really start skyping me in like they’ve threatened, it will be my last meeting). We’re finishing up a book called What Happens When Women Say Yes to God by Lysa TerKeurst. Essentially, this book is about radical obedience.

Here’s an excerpt from a recent chapter:

God owns it all. We are simply managers of His resources. When we pursue the beautiful opportunities of sacrificial living, we freely acknowledge that truth and then reap the blessings. When we come to understand that we’re giving up what was never ours to begin with, we’re walking in radical obedience. 

Truth. While I love all of my projects and the by-products of every single talented person out there, my heart knows it’s really just stuff. When my brand new, hot-off-the-lot car was victim of a hit-and-run (and almost $2,000 in damages) last year, I was OK. Do you know why? Because that car is still just a “thing.” When I leave this earth after my blink of a life, it’s not going with me. I leave all of this behind. But you know what else I know I’m leaving behind? A legacy. I don’t want to be the friend that couldn’t stop and listen because I was focused on my own stress. I don’t want to be the wife who couldn’t be flexible or positive and encouraging. I don’t want to be the mom (someday) who couldn’t devote full attention because I was focused on what I was planning on “accomplishing” that day. I don’t want to be the stranger who couldn’t give because I’m so tight with my finances. I just want to be careful that my focus doesn’t shift away from what’s really important (yo…that’s exactly what the enemy wants!).

I’m so, so blessed. And, essentially, though I’m excited about where God is physically taking Cowboy and I, I want to be careful to not miss the REAL opportunities to be a blessing in those places. Being in the military means we’ll be moving every few years. What’s been bouncing around in my head is how hard it is to move and say goodbye after just two years here (and we’re even momentarily moving back to a place that we both have family in!). How much harder will it be when we’ve been in these places for a few years? And what about when kids are in the mix? How will they adjust? How challenging is it going to be to create a “home” when everything must be so temporary? But…in my heart, I know that these are silly worries. The opportunities we’re being afforded far exceed my mind’s worry. I know that we’ll take on these challenges as they come–no sense in worrying over them now. And at the end of the day, we’ll be taken to places where we’re uncomfortable, unfamiliar and unsure–and that’s exciting!

So, in summation, I want to be radically obedient. I don’t want my vision to be clouded by worry and temporary “things” that hold zero long-term importance. I want to be effective and joyful and strong. And I’m asking every single one of my friends, family and readers to hold me accountable to that. I shared my heart on New Year’s Day for the same reason…and I’ve returned countless times to re-read my surrender of 2011. I gave the Lord this year and wowza has he surprised me! Within five months of writing that post, I was officially dating Cowboy (actually, it was later that day!), we were engaged, he was moving back to Wichita, which meant I was following him…so that we could be married by the end of the year! This year is nothing but proof of how fast “my” plans can change to far beyond anything I ever expected. 2011 has already been a year of extreme evolution, change and unexpected twists. So, today, I am hitting a “reset” button. I am planning on thoroughly enjoying my last 17 days in Kansas City. I am optimistic about the new memories that will be made in Wichita (including, but not limited to, getting married–yah!). I have zero ideas about where we’re headed next (that’s up to the Navy :), and I’m excited about that.

Here’s to a reset and a reminder to be radically obedient–may the rest of the time I’m afforded be focused on what God has for me…and being grateful for that. You have my permission to knock some sense back into me if I start to get worried and focused on the unimportant stuff. 🙂


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